It's Witchcraft

I was making good time getting to work yesterday morning. By 9:15 I was on the Long Island Expressway, weaving in and out of lanes (always signaling, of course-I observe the rules of the road).

I eventually got into the left lane and was speeding at a comfortable 75 miles per hour, which in the left lane at that hour of the morning is considered slow. I found myself right on the ass of the woman driving in front of me in a late model white Honda. She was doing a steady 68 miles an hour. I didn't mean to follow so closely behind her, but I must concede that I was. There was a massive 18-wheeler in the center lane, making it impossible to pass this woman (besides, I never pass on the right).

I watched as the driver window of the Honda slowly rolled down. The driver extended her hand, holding a small white object between her fingers. She held it there for a full minute as if she was saluting me with it or something. Suddenly, she opened her hand and the object came flying at me.

I realized immediately what it was - a cigarette - a lit cigarette that bounced off my windshield and into one of the little vents on my hood. Then it got stuck there. Since I had the heat on, my car began filling with smoke. If I hadn't seent he cigarette hit the car I would've thought I was having engine trouble. In a little bit of a panic, I started swerving sharply in an attempt to dislodge the cigarette, but it wasn't happening. The woman in the Honda watched the whole scene from her rearview mirror. I couldn't make out the expression on her face.

This kind of revenge by a vindictive motorist goes far beyond anything I've ever seen before. it was no coincidence, or one-in-a-million turn of events. It was pure witchcraft. This woman did not throw a cigarette at my car. She willed it. She knew what she was doing.

It was almost a literal crash course in highway safety.